Episode 722 - Sensei Darryl Baleshiski
Sensei Darryl Baleshiski is a Martial Arts practitioner and instructor at the New England Rendokan in Connecticut.
Our tagline is “A foundation of strength leads to a future of confidence” and that’s because we want to find one thing that these kids are doing and build all around it.
Sensei Darryl Baleshiski - Episode 722
Kung fu and Bruce Lee was the usual inspiration to get into martial arts and our guest today is no different. Sensei Darryl Baleshiski, a kid who lacked confidence before, trained
and attributed a lot to martial arts. Although Sensei Baleshiski did not train continuously, he still ended up teaching martial arts today. Sensei Baleshiski trains kids at the New England Rendokan in Connecticut. His philosophy in teaching; it’s about developing confidence, discipline, character, focus, and respect.
In this episode, Sensei Darryl Baleshiski talks about his extensive career in teaching Martial Arts especially to young kids, writing his book, and a lot more. He also talked about how he lacked confidence as a kid and how martial arts helped him.
Show Notes
For more information, check out Sensei Darryl Baleshiski’s school: New England Rendokan
Show Transcript
You can read the transcript below.
Jeremy Lesniak:
How's it going everyone you're tuned in to whistlekick Martial Arts Radio, Episode 722. With my guest today, Sensei Darryl Baleshiski. I am Jeremy Lesniak, I'm your host here for the show. I'm the founder of whistlekick, where everything we do is in support of the traditional martial arts and traditional martial artists, probably like you, if you want to see everything we're doing, visit whistlekick.com, it's our online home place, you're gonna find all the things that we work on. It's also the place you're going to find our store where we sell everything from protective equipment to fun apparel, training programs, and a bunch of other stuff. If you pick something up, make sure you use the code PODCAST15 to save 15%. And it lets me know that you listen to the show and you buy stuff, that's a good thing for us, we need that feedback. The show has its own website, whistlekickmartialartsradio.com, we released two brand new shows each and every week, we've been doing that for years, and the entire purpose behind everything we do. We're working hard to connect, educate and entertain traditional martial artists throughout the world, people just like you.
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So you're digging through hunting for what cool thing Jeremy is here. This time, I don't want to waste your time. Today's guest Sensei Baleshiski had a great conversation with him. This is someone who has been around and has done some great stuff. And I've had the opportunity not to train directly with him. But I've talked to people who have and I'll be honest, they say great things. We had a wonderful conversation just as I would have expected. And I think that you're going to enjoy it. So stick around. And I'll see you at the back end Sensei Baleshiski. Welcome to whistlekick Martial Arts Radio.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Of course, thanks for coming on. My favorite part about what I do is that there is variety, right? Like I get to talk to people all over the world training for all different reasons with all different origin stories in all different parts. And so that's why we know that the first question that I usually ask is generally pretty obvious. But I like to ask in different ways, you know, and I'm sure you can get that first question is what like, how do you get started? Right? But I like to ask it sometimes. Imagine that we were at, let's say like a convention for a comic book based on your life. And people were talking about issue one, the first issue of your martial arts journey in graphic form, what would be happening in that issue?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Well, that would be back to 1978. My brother and I and my next door neighbor watch kung fu theater on Saturdays. I remember watching lots of Bruce Lee movies. And I grew up near a few rough neighborhoods and there were always issues so my older brother started martial arts a couple months before me. And that brought me into it back then. [00:04:29-00:04:31] kid back in the 70s. I was all over the place. Martial arts definitely helped me. I also, you know, back then, and I'm gonna straight up right from the beginning say it took me 16 years to get it because I didn't believe in myself.
And it was a struggle. Lots of things were a struggle for me. And thankfully, I kept coming back and kept trying and, you know, maybe the school I was Then I did things a little differently than we do today. But I stuck it out with them and had a few gaps in my training. But one of their instructors showed me the light and slowly walked me through it. So starting in the 70s, mostly because of kung fu theater on Saturday. It was an interesting time back then.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I'm always fascinated with anybody who started as a kid, you know, older kid, but still a kid, you know, sometimes, we can consider 15/16/17, you know, younger adults, and in the context of martial arts, they're generally an adult class. So I don't find that as interesting. But someone your age starting, I think really anything before 85/86 was pretty uncommon. Were you thrown in with adults? Or were you at one of the very unique schools that offered kids programs?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So back then we only had one class, it was Monday and Wednesday, from 7:30 to 9, there weren't very many students, but there were, you know, maybe five to six in a class and it was mixed. I was 12 at the time. So it's not that, you know, I was much older, or much younger. But yeah, so I remember, you know, I was a white belt, and there were adults in their adult black belts. It was all just one big mismatch.
Jeremy Lesniak:
And what were you doing? Was it Karate?,
Darryl Baleshiski:
It was karate.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Okay. And you said your brother had started a few months before? Was he encouraging you to join? Were your parents seeing changes in him that they were encouraging you to join? Like, where did that translate for?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I don't remember him encouraging me to join. But I remember him going and I really wanted to do it for the three of us in my neighborhood. Watching that kung fu theater almost every Saturday was fantastic. sprinkled in with a little Bruce Lee movies. Killer be killed back in the day, right. And so it was my excitement for watching him do what he was doing and wanting to do it. So I don't know how much they really understood back in the 70s. How impactful martial arts was going to be?
Jeremy Lesniak:
Yeah, it's so interesting to look at that dynamic, that age group that you were, because let's face it, that age demographic is the you know that there's such a dip, right, we get kids, and then they hit adolescence, and they drop. And they start to come back in later teen years, you know, not at the numbers and in most programs that you see in young kids. But when we have folks on the show, and quite often they were influenced by kung fu theater. Starting in that somewhere, I mean, we've heard from some as young as 9, but generally it's that 12 to 15 year old group in the 70s. And I just find it really interesting that that set of programming spoke to that age group, and encouraged them to train and I think it's responsible for far more martial artists than we realize just in that space based on anecdotes from the show. So you get going, you're doing it, did you fall in love instantly? Or did it take some time?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So I love pieces of it and hated pieces of it. Okay, so lack of confidence, which a lot of people have, right. Depending on who the instructors were at the time, I hated the contact. I really, really did. And how could you do martial arts without contact? Right. And that was a big struggle for me over the years because I didn't believe that I could do what I saw everybody else too. I'd love to catch up because there was no contact, right? Kick in the bag was great. But the actual contact. That was a tough part for me.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Talk to us about your personality. As a kid, you know, what were you? What were you like in school? What were you doing outside of martial arts after school, where he was a shy kid, you know, stuff like that.
Darryl Baleshiski:
So I was definitely a shy kid. And the OCD and the ADD that I recognize in myself today was a real pain back in the 70s. Because we didn't know what that was back then. Right. So my dad definitely was a disciplined person, which I'm thankful for. I don't have any issues with the discipline I received as a kid because I needed it back then. But he didn't believe in himself. I'll be honest. And so that translated he didn't believe in us a little bit. And so that created issues well With my confidence in myself.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Can you expand on that a little bit? Because not believing in oneself can manifest in a few different ways. I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind going a little deeper?
Darryl Baleshiski:
No, I just never looked at myself as someone who succeeded, I got poor grades. Okay. Just accepted the fact that I was dumb. I accepted the fact that I couldn't do certain things. And I guess that's how I went into looking at the martial arts as well as school and everything else. I just accepted that this was where I was at in life.
Jeremy Lesniak:
With the exception of the physical contact, were you finding that martial arts was proving to be a little bit different, that you were feeling some competency in what you were doing?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Not back then.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Oh, interesting.
Darryl Baleshiski:
My wife really helped. There's a few things in my life that started turning things for me. Back in the 80s, I read two books, Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude by William Clement Stone, and How to Win Friends and Influence people. Right? That was a great book, right? And that the success through a positive mental attitude was the first time I actually saw that I could start believing in myself and solving mental problems. And so we're talking 85 to 87/88, somewhere around there. I was starting to slowly turn that around.
Jeremy Lesniak:
And someone encouraged you to read those books.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Yes. You know, back in that day, the 80s, there was all that I had just graduated high school in 85. There were all those shows on the real estate, no money down and stuff. But then there was one about William Stone book and Thinking Grow Rich, the co author there helped him with success through positive mentality. And I just remember seeing that and saying, you know, I should read that.
Jeremy Lesniak:
And so I did. It sounds like just just in the way you're talking about it, that that first book was kind of pivotal? Absolutely, it's just it. You know, I've expressed a few times on the show that there are three books that have really changed my life. It sounds like you're talking about this in a similar way.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Absolutely. So the success through a positive mental attitude probably had the biggest impact. Throughout that book, they talked about a lot of different people on how they were in one place, and they learned to succeed. And then it took me probably a decade to start really getting fully changed from not believing in myself to actually being able to solve things. And so in that decade, so I'm reading that book in the mid 80s. I met my wife in 1992-1991. Technically, you started dating in ‘92. And that made a big impact, but I don't believe she would have liked me back then without that book, right.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I think stackup now, what's going on with your training at that time? Did you continue training after you graduated?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So I was in and out for a while, because I would go for a period of time and then the contact and the sparring just, it just was overwhelming.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Talk about that. How much of it is that we're talking about kind of like an old school training style, where regardless of age, you're really banging on each other? And how much of it was maybe your personality and having a lower tolerance for it than the average person might?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Well, it was definitely when I first started, there was no beer. Okay, so you're actually punching each other? It was a mouthpiece and cup, but otherwise, that was it. And you know, the dojo had lots of holes in the walls where people were thrown through and stuff.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Okay, so maybe maybe kind of a rough and tumble school versus the average school. Not a good combination for you.
Darryl Baleshiski:
No, but it was what I believed martial arts was so I stopped. When I would have one of my breaks. I came back to them because that's what my impression of martial arts was.
Jeremy Lesniak:
If that's what you saw in the theater.
Darryl Baleshiski:
But it was, you know, so if you're, you know, taking a beating and not believing in yourself that you could actually do As you just look down, so you go to class, you take a beating, and then you say to yourself in your mind, you just can't do this. That's what led to my breaks.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Then why did you come back? Like that? That's really interesting to me that there was something so fundamentally difficult for you in this style of training at this school. And it sounds like you went back multiple breaks, multiple times. I’m assuming five.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Yeah. So I started in ‘78, was there for probably a year or so and then took a break. Came back in the early 80s. And then my, my little brother got into it once and I'm like, all you can't get back. I really, really, really wanted it. I really, I'm amazed that I'm still doing it. After all these years, but that's when I looked at that in my heart and soul. That's what I really wanted to do. I just was, I was struggling, you know. So the Success Through Positive Mental Attitude in the mid 80s changed my girlfriend then. And she was on the opposite end of my dad, she was very positive and reinforcing, saying you can do it
Jeremy Lesniak:
And see recognized how important this was to you. Yes, she supported you in that pursuit? Did she have any? Do you recall any conversations with her about this? What I think is a pretty fundamental conflict in training philosophy, you wanted something a little less? Am I wrong? Do you even though you thought it was the right way, there was some part of you that wanted it to be a little less, you know, rough?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I think it's the transition from learning a technique to being able to apply it. Today, I'm obviously much different than I was back then. Back then, I couldn't take pain at all. Okay, I'll tell you an embarrassing story, because it's quite different now. And I do tell my students this story all the time, just to show you how to get through pain. And this embarrassing story starts when I was 25. And there was a bandaid on the back of my hand and my girlfriend and my wife now are about to rip it off. I could say that because I'm much different. It was my attitude towards pain that had to change. Okay. And on December 20, 2008, 8 o'clock in the morning, my brain fell out of my head and I put my hand in a snowblower shoot.
I was trapped in it for 20 minutes. The Fire Department came and cut me out. That's intense pain. I dealt with it. It wasn't the pain. It was the worry of losing my fingers and how dumb I was at that moment to have done that. And then I have a very fun video that I showed the kids right after I told that very embarrassing bandaid story of the doctor. There were four pins sticking through my fingers into the bones to get them to come back. He took those pins out of my fingers without any pain medication whatsoever, basically with what looks like needle nose pliers and he would go in and he was kind of just pulling and wiggling them out.
Jeremy Lesniak:
No anesthetic at your decision.
Darryl Baleshiski:
My decision he wanted to make. I said “no”. “Why?” Because I had to bridge that pain gap. If I'm going to tell my students that you have to suffer. It's silly suffering is one thing. But if you're going to a confrontation, you're getting punched for real. They're really trying to hurt you. Right? You have to deal with that pain. And I wanted to go through that without it because that's how I felt it. It definitely hurt. I'll be honest. I do tell all the students to say when it hurts, that feels great. When I was stuck in the snowblower I said That felt great with the extra adjective on it, but it's just a change of your attitude to the pain.
So getting back to your original question. Going from learning a technique to full on sparring, there was a pain issue, right? I didn't like that contact. But it was also an ability issue that I didn't have at the time. When I teach my students we'd go, you know, we set a new technique for them. And then they start doing it slowly so that they can see the success of how they can do that technique, and then gradually make it faster and harder.
Jeremy Lesniak:
One of the things that I've spoken out against and when I teach seminars it is rooted in what you just said is this transition between learning a concept up supporting a technique, and then the implementation. Most schools rush that process. We don't understand why you guys can't do it. We just did 100 repetitions of this new kick, and then I put you in sparring and you don't do it at all. What's going on? Because you've changed the context. Now there's a threat now they feel concerned, nervous, fearful, pain might be involved. And they're going to default to what they know best, which is not the new technique.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Right. In the other avenues there is the competition. I mean, from a competition schoolwork. So when you are put in the sparring match for points, you just learn something that you're not good at. You don't do it. Right? So there was also that avenue of it where, you know, I wanted to win. I didn't want to lose, I was very good at winning, because once again, I didn't believe in myself, but I still wanted to. So I didn't do that brand new technique. So between having to go slow, then a little faster and your ability was there, then you go much faster.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Competition. Did you compete early on in your training?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I did. I remember being in some competitions in the early 80s. I know I had two trophies from the beginning, but they weren't very high. And then when I came back in the 90s, after meeting my girlfriend and whatnot, I competed then and I got a couple of more trophies. But my issue there was and I never bridge that gap. Remember the confidence issue? Right? I remember five point matches, right? I would get three or four points. And sometimes I was up for it. But in my head, I started saying you're not going to win. And that's where I needed to switch that because you hadn't won. Because what I had in my life wasn't that evident? Right? I wasn't seeing success in my life. So I believed I was gonna lose that. And I wouldn't believe some of it, right, you have lost. And at the end of it, I did very poorly.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Now you've mentioned students. And so let's, let's move here, because I think we need a little bit of context for there's some dots, I would like to connect, and when did you start teaching and how did that occur?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So back in the 80s, I was a brown belt. And I remember that instructor there, he always had his teaching and doing things. So I was assisting the teacher. I got my black belt in ‘92. So that connects that 16 year gap, right. And then I started teaching for them more often, at that time, started teaching on my own in 2004. Back then, you know, the competition school I came from, you weren't allowed to teach without their permission. Very common back in that day.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I started teaching on my own in 2004. And been doing that ever since. At some point, as you're becoming more confident through self exploration and the supportive people who love you, did you start to look at your training and your relationship to martial arts differently?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Okay, yeah, I made my first trip to Okinawa in 2004 as well. That whole thing, I am a much different person than I was back.
Jeremy Lesniak:
So, 1992-2004, right, there's 12 years in there. And it sounds like there was not only some learning, some growth that had to happen. But I would also, I would guess we could term at least some of it as unlearning the removal of some habits and worldview, some self view from before, did it take that 12? Is that why it was 2004 when you started teaching for yourself, because it took that much time. And that's not a judgment of length of time. It took that time for you to get to that place in yourself.
Darryl Baleshiski:
So the whole thing back then so once again, my girlfriend started changing the book and I went to college, I graduated in three years working full time. So stepping stones, unfortunately, that there was another gap in there even after I got my black belt, because I opened a pizza place. That was what they had.
Jeremy Lesniak:
That's out of left field. We got to hear about that.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Okay, so, back in 1985 Instead of going to college I wish I could work for Domino's Pizza. I enjoyed the pizza industry and the entrepreneur and becoming a franchise but slowly learning that Domino's Pizza had exploded so much. There weren't very many franchise opportunities in Connecticut, they would have been taken up alone. And so, when I graduated college, I graduated 1995. It was what I knew.
So my senior year, I wrote a business plan with my adviser and everything that was one of the classes that was all about small businesses and stuff. And so I wrote a business plan that we implemented when I graduated. I was sad, the day closed, I had to open for four and a half years. I was not sad today. Much better life.
Jeremy Lesniak:
You were not 18 When you went to college from doing my math, right, you graduated 9/10 years in there.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Seven years, seven years, started in 92. graduated in 94.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Okay, so you're working at a pizza place? What else were you doing in there?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So, wandering, right, not really accomplishing a lot, the lack of confidence. I tried a few different things, a few different businesses that really just didn't work out. And so that's when I changed back to there was a gap from Domino's Pizza, I went back in 91 ish to Domino's Pizza. And that's actually where I met my wife. She was not an employee there. Her best friend was an employee there, he and I were hanging out and he introduced me to her. Eventually, with lots of convincing on my part, she decided to start dating.
Jeremy Lesniak:
It's interesting how much happened in that year? Yeah, you know, you're talking about this personal work that's leading up to that.
Darryl Baleshiski:
And so, hang on one sec. Did I say I got my black belt in 1992? Because that was when I got my black belt in 1994.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I remember but that's okay. I'm just working with these rough themes. And this progression is really interesting. And how do I want it? There's a feeling and I'm trying to put it into words. So I can ask it will take the obvious way. The wandering uncertainty. The things that didn't pan out? Do you regret them?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I wish I had stayed with martial arts. I'm ‘78 on you bet. Do I wish I didn't wander and get my life started earlier. You bet. But I look at life for where it is. And the reality is, life can be a struggle. I live a fantastic life. I'm very happy. One wonderful wife, fantastic family, lots of challenges. We adopted one of my students. That's been a big challenge for COVID on top of all this, lots of challenges, but I love life. And when I look back at those experiences of my life. Coming from where I was, I understand why I went through. I'm also happy that I started that transition in the 80s. Even though I said it took me a decade, the right to really get in with that book was teaching me. And you had to get some successes in life to see that oh, I can do this.
Jeremy Lesniak:
You talked about the impact of your father and your father's personality and kind of what he handed you for your own personal view. As you started to kind of unpack and let's face it to a certain degree. Shed some of what he had placed on your shoulders. Did that change your relationship with him at all?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So, we went through a lot of different periods. You know, when I was starting to come out of my shell and stuff, we definitely butted heads. I do cherish he died in 2002. He did see me graduate college. He didn't see me get my black belt. I think today he would be very happy. But his upbringing was very, very tough. Born in 1939, single mom, you know, he he, I know in my heart he gave me everything he had as a father. It is just how he looked at himself as opposed to how he looked at me but it did come through after college in starting to get some success. I think he started seeing things right away. Definitely the last few years, I'm thankful for those years.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Did your successes, even if they weren't as fully fledged while he was alive as they are now? Did that start to change anything for him? Did he start to look at himself differently?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I don't know. For sure. Be a good question for my mom today, right? But I know how he and I talked changed. Right?
Jeremy Lesniak:
If you don't mind.
Darryl Baleshiski:
No, I don't hide. So when I went to college, my dad said, it was not a wise idea. Right? He didn't believe I would graduate.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Waste of money, we thought it would be a waste of money for you.
Darryl Baleshiski:
To his credit, you know, I'm gonna say it. My track record had shown that it wasn't successful at things, right. But on the other end, my wife was saying you could do this back then girlfriend, right? So when I graduated in three years, working full time getting my black belt in that time, commuting an hour and 10 minutes one way, it showed him that, you know, we can do things, right. So I definitely was getting more respect out of what I was doing with him. He was definitely helpful in getting the financing for my pizza place. I did that with my brother, my mom and my dad put up their house for it, which is kind of risky. But even though it's not around today, we made sure that my mom and dad refines that bill. But it definitely was starting to show more respect to what I was trying to do and that things got done. And I'm hoping I should know, because his life was very difficult.
I do miss him. But I do know he's at peace today. And that I also do know that I showed him that life can be successful when you're looking at he looked at the negative a lot because that's what his life was. And to get to look at the positives. I look at both right, if you're really planning. I feel like I'm an optimist, even in the middle of that COVID crazy in March of 2020, where I wasn't sure how I was going to survive, right? But I looked at it and said, alright, here's what could be, here's the pitfalls. Here's the downfall. But let's make the plan work. Let's transition.
Jeremy Lesniak:
We've got the pieces in place now that I can ask this question that now I actually have words, and I can define it, I go on my gut. When I do most of these shows, I don't always know why I'm asking things. I'm just learning to try, you know, seven years, hundreds of interviews, you know, I just trust my gut. Now. When we look at these kinds of two phases. We've got the early phase where kind of banging against a wall, you know it, there was something about it, it sounds like that felt right. Even if it didn't feel right, there was something calling you to training, calling you back. When you left it, it was made. It made an impression on you.
And I would suggest that that impression probably predates your training and goes back to you seeing something in Kung Fu theater and Bruce Lee films. Yep. And you meet this wonderful person who catalyzes these transitions for you. Or maybe it's the book that catalyzes the student however you look at it catalyzes these transitions for you, you start to embrace your own power. And those threads through you try a number of things and you're like you know what? I'm going to open a school, right? That was it. You know what, this is the thing I'm going to do? Pizza didn't work out. I'm going to open a school.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Well, and from where I came from, we were told that you can't earn a living doing martial arts. Even our Grandmaster sat right here in my living room. He said, “Ah, they're all karate, man”. Poor man. Maybe. So the reality is I wanted it to work. I've heard about very successful schools, right? It was definitely in my heart. As you know, when I first started teaching on my own, I said, you know, I want to teach like and help other people. Right? Definitely. Even though there were bumps and bruises along the way for me, I was seeing a difference.
As in who I was, and how I felt when I was in class, right, because I have lots of times where I was in and out, right. And so it was something that was definitely in my heart and soul. So I started teaching on my own in 2004. Same year, I went to Okinawa for the first time. It wasn't successful. I was in a couple of YMCAs, and it was very difficult dealing with them. I eventually moved to those two locations to my current locations now. And the reality was the business just, I was doing it as a hobby.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Did you have a job on top of it?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I did not, my wife was a school teacher so she could have health insurance and a regular income. And she really wanted me to. So I talked about lots of transitions early on. I tried the karate thing. And then the financial collapse in 2008. Yet, I spent $7,000 in ads and got two students from it, and where they ended up well. And so I went to my wife, and I said, you know, maybe I have to go back, do something different. And she looked at me and said, “Nope, you're stuck”. You are a martial art instructor.
Jeremy Lesniak:
She trained? Did she ever train?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Oh, only a little bit, who was definitely not her cup of tea, especially with me in the same class.
Jeremy Lesniak:
But she understood you and what made you tick well enough to be able to observe that and push you.
Darryl Baleshiski:
So what she said. So I met her in the early 90s, right. And that got me into class. So then she saw me and then, with her encouragement, I got my black belt. And then the pizza place I started at college came right after lots of hours, I was still going and then the pizza place came in, there was a copier break. And then as the pizza place was starting to wind down, I went from the pizza place to work for Paine Webber. As a financial adviser. That was something that I also loved. I'm a numbers person. And so once I closed the pizza place, it was seven days a week. I went in on Monday morning at 11.
A lot of times, there was a basement there, I slept there. So I came home Sunday night. I mean, what got it to close was my son asked my wife to go visit daddy at his place. And that was that six months later was gone. But what my wife was seeing, so I was out of martial arts for a couple of years for that pizza place. And when I was back in, she was like, You're a different person, even if I didn't see it at the time, which I'm sure I didn't. She said you're a different person when you're in class.
Jeremy Lesniak:
So when you opened your school, you had all this context for how martial arts was related to your life, what you were like in it out of it, you've experienced some things about training and running a school that you liked, and did not like. Most of the people that I know, you know, they wouldn't go so deep as to call it a manifesto. And most don't even write these things down. But I would imagine that when you set out to open your school to start teaching for yourself, there were a handful of things you said, my school will be these things. What were those things?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Obviously because of my struggles. One of the big ones was bridging the gap and helping kids go from students. I have adults as two but most of these kids are going through how to learn that technique and be able to apply. Okay, and then it's that attitude towards pain for me that I needed to shift. And as I told that embarrassing story earlier, you know, I tell that to my class all the time, and they actually get to watch the video of the doctor pulling out my fingers.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Can you send us that video difference?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I took the video too. I was holding the camera while taking the video.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I would love to put that in the show notes for those that want to watch it.
Darryl Baleshiski:
I can. I don't know about the Doctor Who movie. Are there any issues with that?
Jeremy Lesniak:
You were paying for the work and it was filmed on your camera?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Worse this guy I don't know if you care, but I just know that I had it.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Yeah, if you can send that over. I mean, if he ever finds out about and doesn't like it, well, we'll take it down. You've brought it up a few times. And I think people would be there. There's a chunk of the population listening right now. Oh, I want to see that. I'm not one of those people. But you know, if we can, if we can give them that I think they might appreciate it. If it's powerful enough for you to share with your students, I think it's powerful.
Darryl Baleshiski:
It's that pain, right? I mean, a lot of times, you get a whole host of different students coming in the door. Some are like, they don't care about the pain, let's go. Others like me hated it. And I didn't want my students quitting because of pain, because I've learned how to transition through it and get better at it. And one of it is, you know, I do tell my students, that hurts, don't say, I'll say that felt great.
Jeremy Lesniak:
How do you accommodate both ends of the spectrum? How do you accommodate the people who don't mind pain, they recognize that it's either there there. It just doesn't bother them. Or maybe they recognize that it is indicative of some lesson being learned. But then the other end of the spectrum, you've got folks who were like you, as a kid, like me, as a kid, were like, that hurts. I don't want to do things that hurt. How do you handle both groups?
Darryl Baleshiski:
A long time ago, my Grandmaster [00:41:02-00:41:04], was on a TV show. And in that, he said, it's a journey of practice. That's number one week, I have that quote on my wall. In number two, he said, We all learn the same karate, but all of our karate is different. Okay? So when you look at those two things, I let the students develop, it's not my pace, I try to encourage them in air quotes, right? Help them go through it. I want them to get a new belt every six months, I want them to get their black belt in four to five years. I don't know if they will, it's really up to them. But I do strongly encourage them, but I take them for where they are, we take that snapshot. And we slowly work through it.
So if you don't care about the pain, great, you're going to be in, you know, working, eating a little bit easier. I'll be honest, it's definitely easier martial arts. If you get punched, pick. It's easier if you don't care about the pain. But for those that do. The reality is it's a little light pain in the beginning, right? So we do things to condition you, right? As little kids, it's less, but we'll start with a foam blocker. And that's where you know, especially in my age group, I have little dragons three to five, and then we call them warriors from six to eight. They're getting hit in the face with a foam blocker. So you get used to it a little bit. Right. When I went to Okinawa, he had Matt Ward boards there. So I brought a couple back with me. And when I first started doing a couple of that, that was awful, right? But today, I could really punch it. I could hit it. We like to chop the top of it and stuff.
Jeremy Lesniak:
That just drag your knuckles to and your function teaches you to stay straight. Is it the old school? Is that the canvas cover? You bet. I remember the first time I was like why? Oh, because I'm wobbly.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Yeah, and that Canvas is just too predictable.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Definitely not for you might as well be sandpaper, right?
Darryl Baleshiski:
But that's also one of those pieces that I learned right, slow and steady. So if you have an issue with contact, we do certain things, as you get a little older, you stand in a horse stance, and with a partner, and you will punch the stomach twice in the chest twice, right throws, you gotta punch a little higher, right, but you're still getting that contact, so that you get a little used to it. So it's a matter of your pace, not mine.
So if you don't like getting hit, we start very lightly. Right, you tell me when to go harder. If you like it, you're gonna be saying harder, faster. And then another thing, which led to a very funny look on a parent walking in the door early on was, you know, you could get better at taking a punch to your face by taking punches to your face, or what we do is we slap each other up, hand Believe it or not.
So the first time we started doing that it was a very light touch of the cheek. And you got to say harder. Okay, month in, you know, we're smacking each other really hard. Now you don't really know you're used to that pain in your face. But that first mom walked in the door, it was very funny. She walked in, she turned her head sideways. What are you guys doing? But it's just a way to get your skin used to your face.
Jeremy Lesniak:
There's a desensitization and you know what the the idea of the blockers are, and for those of you who don't know what those are, imagine a short wiffle ball bat with foam on all four sides. Not super soft foam. But it's not rock hard. It's not like the foam that goes under a dock you would put in the lake, right? Like it's somewhere in between. If you've never been hit in the face with something like that. Your initial instinct is out, because that's all you have for context, right? But what I'm loving is this recurring theme in how you're presenting information. Let's start with the fundamentals.
And let's slowly progress not not fundamental, fundamental, fundamental fundamental, zero to 60. Now we're full tilt, let's and even this idea of the slap drill, where you're not telling them to go harder, they're inviting their partner to go a little bit harder to help them develop. So people can move at their own pace. And I think that you're isolating something that I see as lacking in a lot of martial arts schools, maybe even the majority of martial arts schools, is that ability to kind of self direct intensity as we progress. And it all relates back to you as a kid, I would imagine. Not loving the pain and getting hit. Yep. I agree with that. So you have empathy for that in a way that somebody else may not have.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Yep. And you know, as I had my own kids, there was no way I was gonna let them go through it. So we definitely didn't do drills at home. You know, I'd be just tying running back my son.
Jeremy Lesniak:
So your kids train?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Do they still?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Yeah, yep. My son spent two decades in a fourth degree black belt, and my daughter is just about two decades and a half or so in. And she's a third degree black. She runs one of my schools.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Oh, nice. Okay. So was this their participation a choice? Or?
Darryl Baleshiski:
And so choices I didn't make make them start. Did I want them to get to black belt? Yes, did I want to make sure that they didn't go through the journey that I did with the worries about payment stuff. And at first I thought, or obviously, we all worry about her daughter's worry about my son too. But you know, he could take care of himself. And his daughter, too, my daughter was in two real life situations. And she nailed them both without any techniques. So I'm very proud of what we taught her there.
But so when they started, I would take them through and you know, they would get I don't think it was bored, overwhelmed, or stuff at the end of each belt. And so my only push and saying you have to was you have to finish this belt. You have to get to that next belt. And especially with my daughter, it was yellow belt, orange belt, green Belt, blue belt, purple belt, all of those belts. I had to fight her through and say listen, you could quit right after you get this belt. Once you got the black belt, that was a shoe stop talking about that. So I wanted to but I didn't make them do that.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Sure. Let's say you can go back, let's say you know, I handed the keys to a time machine. I don't know what time machines have keys I handed. I can't do the ability to go back and sit down with you. You know, you're there. You're watching kung fu theater, with your friend and your neighbor. And you just kind of wander into the house. And for some reason, nobody throws you out and you sit down on the couch and you pull young you aside and you say what do you say about martial arts to young you? Before you've had that first day? Do you say anything?
Darryl Baleshiski:
The biggest thing is what I teach my kids today and my students today is I would definitely say, you know, slow and steady. Get through those hurdles that are bothering you. Right? There's definitely ways to do that. So do I wish I would be able to do that? Absolutely. Go back and look at talk about confidence and how to build confidence. Okay?
Our tagline is that a foundation of strength leads to a future of confidence. And that's because we want to find one thing that these kids are doing and build all around it. Right? So if you get good at push ups or sit ups are, are a punch or a block, whatever it is, we want the lights to start going on and we want to say you can do that.
So I would love to be able to say that to me. Regrets? I think we all have regrets right? I wish I did a couple of different things. Do I ultimately regret my path? No, I don't.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Could it have been any different? You know, some people say it had to be the way that it was to get where you are?
Darryl Baleshiski:
Well if I didn't go through this would I be teaching about pain and everything else to my students today and go from learning a technique and all that fashion and do today? Maybe not? Probably not?
Jeremy Lesniak:
I liked the roots of that. That you call it a motto.
Darryl Baleshiski:
It's our tagline.
Jeremy Lesniak:
You know, and what I'm hearing is you just needed a place to push off. Yeah, that was that first book. You just needed some point to reference and say okay, I can go from here. And I think so often, whether we realize it or not, that's what martial arts is, for a lot of us, it's the thing that we can step into. And I express it as you get back what you put it in exactly, and only what you put in. And there are very few things in the world that are like that. I could put all the effort in the world and could have from day one, into becoming a great basketball player. I'm 5’7, the numbers were stacked against me regardless, and then throwing in my size wasn't gonna happen.
Not to say that it couldn't have happened, but probably would not have happened. And so as a kid, that can be really frustrating. I'm putting all this time and I'm not getting these results. We are not all this may shock people, we're not all equally intelligent. Some of us can put a lot of time into school, and get far poorer results than others who put in less work. That's really confusing for kids. But I think martial arts gives us a place that we can push off from and for so many, it becomes the thing they refer back to whether it's training in general, or maybe a black belt test or whatever, to say, I was able to do that. I can do that. What else can I do? Can I do this? I bet I can do this. I can do these things. I agree 100% with its foundation to so many different things in your world.
Darryl Baleshiski:
Absolutely.
Jeremy Lesniak:
So, if people want to reach websites, social media, anything like that you want to share?
Darryl Baleshiski:
So the website is nerendokan.com. We do have a Facebook account on Instagram. At this point, social media is getting crazy with how many different things are out there. So I tried a lot out there. Limit that but the website.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Your opportunity to decide how we feed here. You got a bunch of martial artists listening. They've stuck around and they've heard your story. They've nodded along, I'm sure a lot of the things that you've said. They've smiled, they've probably cringed out of understanding and things that they did themselves. What do you want to say to them?
Darryl Baleshiski:
I definitely think that as long as we look at ourselves, as opposed to comparing ourselves to other people, we slowly but surely get better. One of the big things that I've always said is, it's not hard to train to be consistent, just slowly and consistently train. And no matter what our hurdles are, we got to figure them out and get through.
Jeremy Lesniak:
A wonderful conversation. Thank you for coming on the show Sensei. And hope to talk to you again soon. Listeners, if you want more head to whistlekickmartialartsradio.com. That's where you're gonna find the photos and the videos and links and the social media and the transcripts and more, not just for this, but for each and every episode. We do and have done. They're all there for you. If you're down to support us and all of our work, you have a few options, you might consider buying one of our books on Amazon, maybe telling others about the show or supporting us on our Patreon, patreon.com/whistlekick.
Interested in having me come to your school for a seminar. Just let me know we'll make it happen. And if you use the codePODCAST15, you're gonna get 15% off anything at whistlekick.com. From apparel to equipment to programs, or any of the other good stuff. We've got their guest suggestions. Do you have them? I want to hear them. Jeremy at whistlekick.com or social media @whistlekick. Don't forget the whistlekick family page, whistlekick.com/family. If you're willing to support us. Until next time, train hard, smile and have a great day.