Episode 941 - The Why of Free Training Day Midwest
Jeremy chats with Victor and Karen Guarino, hosts of Free Training Day Midwest, as well as Craig Wharem, Kellie Thomas, Matt Nather, and Mark Warner; presenters that traveled to Kansas from the east coast.
The Why of Free Training Day Midwest - Episode 941
SUMMARY
Jeremy chats with Victor and Karen Guarino, hosts of Free Training Day Midwest, as well as Craig Wharem, Kellie Thomas, Matt Nather, and Mark Warner; presenters that traveled to Kansas from the east coast. They discuss their experiences with free training days and the sense of community and support they provide. They talk about the importance of connecting with other martial artists and the value of being part of a tribe. They highlight the barriers that are removed during free training days, such as rank, title, and lineage, allowing for authentic connections and vulnerability. The participants express their gratitude for the Whistlekick events and the ego-free environment they create.
TAKEAWAYS
* Free training days provide a sense of community and support for martial artists.
* Connecting with other martial artists and being part of a tribe is valuable.
* Barriers such as rank, title, and lineage are removed during free training days, allowing for authentic connections.
* Free training days create an ego-free environment where vulnerability and authenticity are encouraged.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Investing in Free Training Days
03:14 The Importance of Attending
06:19 Traveling to Attend Free Training Days
09:13 Supporting Each Other
13:31 The Power of Community
19:04 Breaking Down Barriers
25:31 Expressing the Value of Free Training Days
30:57 Embracing Vulnerability
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Show Transcript
Jeremy (00:00.928)
I'm going to pose the same question that I asked before, since now the recording is happening.
Karen and Victor, I'd like you to speak to why you were up for investing the resources of time, energy, and money into putting on a free training day. And then I'll throw it to the other four on the couch. Start there. You want to talk first because I'll talk too much. It won't stop you if I talk first. Well, it started when we went to Marshall Summit last November.
went to our first free training day, the Northeast? Northeast, yes. Free training day Northeast. There's a lot of them now. I get confused on what they're all called. And then, yeah, we loved it, had such a good time and thought maybe we could do one where we live, because we drove a long, well, no, we flew. We flew and then we're driven. Yes. So, yeah, we made a long journey.
to go to that and wanted to bring it back here. Yeah. It was a great, more succinct way to say how I would have said it, but no, it's, it's always fun to get together with people and to exchange ideas. and I've been doing that in other various martial arts associations throughout my time training. And honestly, I felt more at home
the free training day, Northeast and the whole martial summit. The first time I was there then at the one that the, other kind of events that we've been at in the past where I'm like a no name and I've been going there and I was like, there's something here that we need to recreate. I knew as someone who's new to Kansas and Karen told me that there's a martial arts dojo everywhere.
Jeremy (02:18.404)
Everywhere. I mean, you can throw a rock from our school and hit probably two others or three or three maybe but yet none of them interact with each other. None of them want anything to do with each other. And that's just, that just can't stand. And so I figured we could do it ourselves. Somebody has to go first. Yeah. Someone has to go first. So, and so to the other four who
All of you are looking like you've forgotten what hands do. just like, what's happening? I'm sitting on this couch. No, that not Mark. That was not a request. You're gonna grab Matt's knee. That's what happened at breakfast. I was thinking I was pretty relaxed. was like, man, this is, we should record every episode on a couch. You probably should. This is laying down.
What I would like for the four of you to talk about is why it was important enough to you that you came out, right? None of you were local. All of you can drive to my house in much shorter period of time than you can drive here. But you made the choice to come out, and I'd like you to talk about why. And actually start
how long it took you to get here and where you are from. Let's start there. No, it doesn't. I didn't ask you what rate of speed you traveled. We don't need to put that on the recording.
I guess it means I'll go first. the trip was supposed to take about 18 hours in the car. I'll just say that. Kind of capitalize on why I came out. Part of it was for the free training day event. That was the extra nudge kind of over the corner of that interaction that new grouping networking of people. So it's out here. But after Victor and Karen had actually opened their school, we had been talking a lot more.
Jeremy (04:24.98)
I'll say since you came up and did the art of slow for us. And I'll say I don't like very many people, whatever reason I like this guy. And after he opened his school, I actually stumbled upon other schools in my area that are either closed or never actually got the initial takeoff. So I started finding gear and equipment to pass along to help them.
get started because new school is not easy. It's not cheap. Very appreciative of all of the new pads. we appreciate it very much. I just want to see you hit them a few times with them first. I mean, got to push one over yesterday. Yeah? Yeah. Three of them with the new pads. So what I'm hearing is a combination of self -interest but wanting to support. Absolutely.
I wasn't sure what I was going to think of my first free training day. Ended up enjoying it more than I thought and made a lot more friends out of it. I people actually all use the word friend for that. We talk on a semi -regular basis where it's just their ideas. How's your school? How's the training? What's new? And it extends beyond just training. Some of them we talk family, lives, whatever work and building that kind of relationship. And is it true in your area kind of
Karen and Victor were saying that that is not common, that you didn't have a circle of schools like that? The ones that got together were usually within a certain association or you had to come from a certain lineage that would connect to one another. Otherwise they didn't care for who you were or what you did.
Somebody else. Craig, Mark, Kelly. Why are you
Jeremy (06:18.848)
All right, I'll go. I think my first free training day was, I think the third one. Like it was still a baby. I think there were maybe 40 people there. I was going back a couple days ago to see if there was anybody that used to present that we haven't seen for a while. And every schedule I brought up was like, there's Craig. there's Craig. there was Craig.
There's Craig twice. No, I remember my first one and it was it was a special thing for me because I had never branched out very far. had some schools in the area that I was friendly with, but I was I was young when I was starting to do this and be a part of it. And most of them were Kimpo. Most of them were tempo. Yeah. And like I hadn't even met Mark yet. The first time I did one of these, like it was a long time ago.
And it was such a unique feeling. And one of my favorite things about free training days is it brings people to present that normally necessarily wouldn't feel like they should, right? That you get pushed a little bit. And I think that that's really cool because the excitement from the presenters at the opportunity to present something and just kind of get a platform is really exciting to me.
Anytime there's a free training day, do my best to make it and be a part of it. And I love YouTube. anything you ask, I'll be, I think you asked me and within like 30 seconds I was like, I'll figure it out. I'll be there. And, and we figured it out. And so, you know, I left the house at two 30 this morning, to get to the bus, to take the bus to Boston, to take the plane, to rent the car.
I met Mark somewhere. just you know, we just in the airport. Yeah in the airport sounds like a national Lampoon Yes, it kind of was it kind of was but no it was a lot of fun and To get here today and then just to see you guys like I was excited and I think it's super cool that you know Vermont Massachusetts Pennsylvania Kansas New Hampshire like Vermont there's so many like
Jeremy (08:42.474)
places and states being recognized here. It's really
Jeremy (08:49.29)
Kelly? What was the question again? Why am I here? So I am here with my daughter, which is exciting. She is kind of coming back to the martial arts. And I'm really happy for her to see this group, I think.
I think. Maybe not this group's first super. But I mean, she had seen me struggle several times with being on my own and who I was with and not quite feeling right. And now she can see that there's a whole other world. There's a whole other group. There's a whole other way that martial artists.
can coexist and learn from each other and support each other. And it's not always about, well, how many students do you have? And how many stripes are on your belt? And all that kind of stuff, which I think you see in a lot of organizations and a lot of things. And you just feel kind of stuck. And so we have talked lots of times before about how different it all is.
It's really exciting for me to be able to show that to her. It's, I first started talking with Victor on the school owner mastermind and getting to know, cause I think that's how we first met. Cause that was before. And so, you know, watching, like Matt said, know, somebody who's beginning their school and you kind of feel
you've been there through the beginning steps and now they're branching out to this whole new thing. And the fact that we got to meet at Marshall Summit and stuff and it kept popping up and you kind of know like when you're on Facebook or whatever and this thing just keeps popping up and keeps popping up and you're just like, know what, I think this is a sign. I think it means that - Good job with the marketing. I need to go. And it also helps me as you know,
Jeremy (11:05.768)
So I was at your very first, I think your second as well, and I think I presented and then that whole stuff happened and you reached out and I was like, yeah, I don't have anything to present. And just like Craig said, it's sort of like the kick of the katuna is there and says get out there and do it. And so again, this is to support them, to introduce my daughter to this wonderful family that I've gotten to know and.
to push myself professionally, as it's the first time, you know, that I've gone a distance to do a presentation, which I just started doing notes a little while ago. it's, know, couple, a couple. I, but no, I mean, I think it's, and, it's, it's been great. It's like a family reunion.
mix in with a little vacation. I suspect for all of you that that family reunion dynamic is a piece, right? We didn't really talk about that, you know, there anybody who's watching or listening can hear and you're watching definitely see that there is intentionally. I know that I cropped the waist. I set up the camera. That means that they're not seeing Kelly's feet.
I can't reach the floor. I can't put my arm down. I should have thrown those old telephone books. I don't even need to finish this. Last but certainly not least, Mark, why are you here? Well, she said, pretty much. mean, this is my tribe now. I'm getting used to the word tribe. I heard that a few years ago.
And recently it started to come back again in readings and things I listen to. This is my tribe. And I know from listening from other stories from you guys, we've all been through some of the same stuff with some of the same people. But now it's a whole new life, whole new thing. It's phenomenal. I wouldn't miss this for the world. This is great. Thank you guys for having me. Thank you for coming.
Jeremy (13:31.2)
I mean, and it's just part of the tribe. And if not part of the tribe, then jump on in. It's cool. It's a great big poop. We may or may not cut here, but I want to tack onto that because there's a, there's an aspect to this that I think is really difficult for people. You know, those of us who have been to free training day about, we say things like, if you know, you know, if you've been, understand.
and it can be really difficult to try to explain how different it is. And I know enough about all of your histories to know that...
Jeremy (14:12.284)
it was, or at least could have been easier to remain independent because of some of the interactions you've had with other people and pretty, you know, almost across the board, least half of you. I know specifically who some of these people are that treated you poorly and made you think, you know, why am going to stick my neck out again? But at some point you did, right? Like I know
Craig really encouraged you, but it wasn't one conversation from what I understand it took. So I'm convinced that. So I guess that the question is for people, I guess as much for me, how do we express to people who have not attended this sort of event?
How do we get them to see what the value is when so much of it is difficult to define? How do you express that? I'll do it quickly. What style do you do? Primarily. Kappa. What style do you do? Karate. What style do you do? Haranda. Korean, Japanese, something.
I do Confucianism. I mean look at this and the key is look at the attitudes behind the smiling faces. It's just not a facade. It's internalized. It's very hard to explain but the quick ways,
What is it about that? Because, you know, we could go to... are plenty of events, and I'm not going to pretend that there aren't events that are similar throughout the country and likely the world. But most of them don't end with people driving halfway across the country at their own expense to attend one. There's something, right? There's something that you all understand. What is it beyond...
Jeremy (16:27.988)
the variety of styles. Kelly? I guess I can speak sort of from experience. In the past, I would strongly support tournaments and stuff like that, bring a bunch of students, they'll do the judging. And then when I held a couple of events, none of them came.
I mean, none of them came or they came and didn't bring students and I was like, this isn't a two -way street here, you know, and they'd have excuses and stuff and I was like this and other things that kind of happened where it definitely was a hierarchical system, which I'm accustomed to.
But I wasn't that far from the top of the hierarchy. It wasn't like I was just down here. And just felt like, okay, I'm just doing my own thing. If I'm not gonna get any help, I'm gonna do my own thing. And then, you you reached out and it took a long time for me to do whatever. And then you came and did a seminar and you decided to come along too, just for the fun of it.
So didn't... It was so cold. I was so mad. You were mad? I believe still the coldest day we've had in the 20 plus years I've been in I wanted to punch the air. was so And it probably would have broken. It was probably so cold. If I remember correctly, the air temperature was negative 29 Fahrenheit. And with the windshield, it was in the minus 40s. I was driving up there
God, I love them. I'll come to Kansas in 90 degrees anyway. And then Dennis even popped in. Dennis drove, I think it was about seven hours of driving to hang out for two. Right. You know, I mean, and I was just blown away. then you and Depp came up and did stuff and you came up and did stuff. I was
Jeremy (18:49.758)
this is really how it's supposed to be. So how would you contrast that experience with the other experience? How would you define one versus the other? What's the difference?
I was... No, they would still hug. You know, I they've got the first... I was like a number. You know, I was like, okay, is this school coming? Okay, great. Check it off. And it didn't go beyond that. They never asked me to come to a testing. They never asked me to do anything. I was part of their income train, I guess, if you want to take it that way.
But here I'm not, because we're just here to hang out. We're martial artists. We're not, you know, I'm not just the instructor. not, you know, I really want to, I love what I do and I love the lessons that are there. you know, we had kind of, I think I chatted with you, it like being at your school the other day and it was
I would have said the exact same thing in the exact same tone, you know? And it's, you find each other like the tribe is like birds of a feather in the whole, it's more the spirit, I guess, that you walked in and it was just like, these are my people. What I'm hearing, I'm hearing the word obligation versus choice.
Right? The connections that you had that weren't feeling so positive were obligations that maybe even from each side felt like I've got to do this. I've got to go to this thing. I've got to invite this person versus what you're what you're talking about now is I want to or even I get to. I was there. I saw a little pose. I was like, if you change, I have to to I get to and what a positive. So.
Jeremy (21:02.206)
I didn't have to come to campus, I thought to her. I made a connection last night as I had this one and Kelly. I you don't even get a name. I don't even take offense to it. No, he doesn't. why. It keeps him on a phone. We had the pleasure of having them in our dojo last night in front of all of our students and got it scared.
all of them and it was great. I loved it. I'm all about the mind games with the students and never warning them about anything. It's great. But it wasn't until we all lined up for that youth class and you guys were like next to us on the black belt side of the room with all the students there and I was like, I don't know how to address any of you in a formal martial arts setting. Because I'm in as much as I think it's hokey and as much as I joked with
my wife about this and to you about this, the stupid name tag thing. See, in every other context, in every other context, and it's true, and it's like one of those things, like I'll give you this point, but it hurts me to give it to you because you're right, but I really don't want to let you know you're right. Like in every other context, in other You know how often I hear that from people? Yeah. I'm just saying, it's a common underlying theme. But every other time that I've been to another martial arts event and association, I've got good close friends in other associations.
they were a title first to me and I had to learn their name. I got up there last night and I was like, I don't know what to call you to my students that wouldn't be appropriate. Whatever. To call you. so said. I knew, I knew their names first and then I got to know them in a martial arts context. Because when you met them they had a name tag on, they just had their first name. Right. With no, they were, they were the people and
their rank. And so with rank, going to what Kelly was saying, like a lot of other martial arts works, like associations, like, well, this person is grand master, sensei, whatever, you need to go and give them respect because that is the proper thing to do. okay. Whereas when everyone was just their first name, then you got to like naturally gravitate towards the people who were your people, which
Jeremy (23:28.313)
to be all the people, right? And meeting someone like that, it's a choice, so it is a different context than, well, this is the founder of the thing or the person running this event, so you better go out of that person and make sure that they know that you respect them as opposed to, you know, that's Craig. We did an episode a long time ago. Teaching his pajama pants.
Only when it's negative, I had pajama pants on under my uniform. He did. And I was so angry. He was. I'm mad again about it. I brought munchkins munchkins. Yes, she did. Yeah, that's why Kelly's there calling me munchkin. Yes, because he thought he was so cold he couldn't hear and I said, I've got a box of coffee and some munchkins here.
Did you just call me Munchkin? I'm like, no, I didn't, but I guess it's stick. We did an episode a long time ago on respect because some of the same folks, know, Kelly and I are both from Vermont and we've had similar experiences with some of the same people. And that's initially why we bonded. In fact, you know, I'm not gonna belabor the point, but there was a specific event that I'm sure you're remembering the same one I am and.
There were some things that happened that day. And that got me thinking, and I don't remember how long it took to do the episode, but it was on the idea of you can't make someone respect you. You can make them mimic actions of respect. But what I'm hearing from you, Victor, and what I think, what I suspect all of you would agree with is there is an inherent respect that is defaulted
not because of title, not because of rank, not because of lineage, not because of style, but because these are other human beings and I'm going to offer you respect first until you don't deserve it. Would you all agree with
Jeremy (25:31.56)
Yeah, I think so. want to point out, because I'm thinking back to my first one, and the atmosphere is very different now. I don't know if you would recognize that, but it feels much different in that when I first went to my first free training day, nobody knew how to act. So we all defaulted into what we knew. so, I mean, back then,
the schedule, still all, all of our titles were still on it. I had titles on there, yep. Right? There were two, and we referred to each other as that. And for those of you who have ever trained with me know that I hardly ever wear a uniform or a belt. I was wearing both that day. Like I, and I was like very specifically, my uniform was pressed. it was - And people were putting their titles on their name tags back then. Yeah. We have the name tags, but there was still, you know, it was Sensei, what I probably would have referred to myself as Sensei Jeremy back
even on my name tag. Because I was scared about trying to make that change. I didn't know if people were ready. I wanted it, but I didn't know that people would accept it. And it's slowly like, it's slowly in overnight, right? Like at the same time, because nothing happens overnight, but it felt like there was a dramatic shift all of a sudden into what it is now. And I would say to people who have never been before, the free training day is somewhere you go.
to remember your greatness. Because everybody is there just for the love of being there. And so it's easy with titles and politics and the arts and drama and the day to day of teaching or running a school that there are gonna be days where you're like, man, I suck at this. Right? Like everybody experiences that. And then all of sudden you're sitting on a couch with people
all went just nodded their head and went, yeah, right? Right? We recognize that. And the bonds that grow out of that, it's immeasurable. The point that I haven't heard yet necessarily in the way that I'm thinking of it, in the event I needed something, the people on this couch I can reach out to, and I know that they will respond immediately and they will do everything in their power to help. And there's no questioning
Jeremy (27:57.022)
And you're not just talking about war shorts? No, no. In life, I've talked to a lot of you guys, you know, when I needed something outside of the arts, you know, or the amount of check ins I get, hey, how you doing? We haven't heard from you in a while. You know, that sort of thing. And I think that that's important because it just helps you remember that you have something. in a normal event. That wouldn't
There's no space for that to grow.
Jeremy (28:30.452)
Matt, anything you want
So their appeal and their attachment to you is genuine. want to help you reach your goal because that's going to help them reach their goal. And it just kind of bounces back and forth because you're there for each other, whether it's training related or not. You kind of build that bond. you're in need now for whatever it is training wise. They're going to help you find that connect to get you there. And it's going to keep expanding that circle, expanding that community. The thing that I'm hearing and will.
wrap up with this thought. I'd like you all, if you have pieces to add to this by all means. But what I'm hearing is within free training day, we have not necessarily by design, but instinctively, I think we all knew it was there, taken away a lot of barriers, the barriers that people put up between each other, right? Rank, title becomes a barrier, lineage becomes a barrier.
money becomes a barrier. We've taken away a lot of those barriers and what's left? Vulnerability. And it means that people who are willing to be vulnerable about who they are, and I don't mean in a lack of safety way, and I don't mean in a judgmental way, but in an authentic way, right? I think we all know, at least, at least one person, hopefully the people watching or listening know at least one person they can be vulnerable with in a sense of being authentic.
being their true self. And as I've gotten to know all of you, and I don't know all of you equally, but I think I know you all well enough to know who you are. And what I see on the couch is authentic you. The jokes, the playfulness. The knee touching. The knee, right? There's no fear of.
Jeremy (30:52.768)
That was the first spooch on a whistle kick episode I've ever seen. It was. It also takes a lot to make me pause and go, I'm going to for words. job, man. You're being you. You're being honest you. And when people show up to a free training day, the ones who have been there before...
understand I don't need to bring these barriers in. I'm going to be authentic me. Mark is going to be Mark and all of who Mark is and so on down the line. Yeah, I singled you out for a reason, my friend. And the other people who show up may start with some apprehension and creating those barriers because it feels safe initially, but they fall away
So that's the part I'd like to wrap on and if anybody wants to tack onto that, those barriers and would you agree is that a good way to describe it? Yeah, think especially when you pay to go to an event, you're specifically looking to find your money's worth, right? And so I know a lot of people who go to an event and they will specifically train in the things they know because they want to get better
The first time I ever tried Capoeira was at free training day because I wasn't paying for it. Tomorrow I'm going to learn how to teach gorillas or something and I can't wait. And I'm so excited to do it. And you know, it's just super fun in that way that you have the freedom to try because you're not losing money. Without the money it all becomes electives.
Jeremy (32:40.698)
just a couple of things I'd like to, cause you had mentioned Craig about going and it, remembering that you're awesome. Yeah. It was that kind of, you know, I, it's almost like when you go, helps remember why you started your martial arts. It brings all that newness and excitement and, know, just wanting to learn and
And again, it kind of strips everything away because you're a white belt again in many of the things that you're doing because you have no idea. I don't know, the gorillas. Are we having a gorilla there? know, but it's all, you know, and for me, know, rank was always very important. And I'd always tell my students that I'm actually very nervous.
in groups unless I have my super suit and that's my belt. I don't always wear my belt when I teach anymore. You know, and you know, even just being here and talking this. Because you don't need that barrier. I don't, right. I don't need, I don't have to stand behind it anymore. I can stand up on my own two feet. The belt's not holding me up anymore. I wear the belt and not the belt wears me maybe kind of thing, you know.
I'm hugging you after this episode. So those have been, you know, that's huge for me. And it's because of this. It's because of retraining day. It's because of all the stuff Whistlekick does and we do and support each other. And I'm very grateful.
and love you all.
Jeremy (34:37.024)
Anybody else want to?
Jeremy (34:41.074)
I'm looking right at you, Victor. No, why are you looking at me? Why is everyone looking at me? I'm not. Because you're the talker. I'm I'm because of you. I'm here because of Karen and the gorillas. You're going to be so disappointed tomorrow. That's not true. Are we going to rename you Diane Tossey on this episode? I want you to know something. There's no way I'm going to be disappointed tomorrow. You just have to say the word gorilla.
Okay, we're good, we're good, I will. But I was just gonna say, I really appreciate that these Whistlekick events are ego -free, or it seems as much as possible, because that's something that's always bothered me with esteemed martial artists. It always seems like there's too much ego and...
it through training day, everyone who is presenting is also going and learning from everyone else. So it's, it's like, I may not have as many, you know, years of martial arts experience under my belt, but we're on like a more equal playing ground. And I feel like I am a peer rather than an underling. You're not an underling. You're so a peer.
I can't wait until you know the rest of the curriculum so I can not teach. That's the spirit! And I don't know if you would say it's different being a woman in this and actually feeling on the same playing field. I think that's something for anybody who's listening who is a woman to realize that
is definitely a difference. There is no boundary. There's no... I don't even know what I want to say. If you take a look at the presenter rosters for free training day, and this is not a thing that we seek out, but you will see it seems to average 30 to 40 percent female presenters across the board. And if you take a look at a typical
Jeremy (37:05.522)
Eclectic Martial Arts Event.
I do, I rarely see that percentage of female representation. I think this is a good place to wrap. We'll probably record more in a little bit, but thank you all.