Episode 842 - Jessie Elva
Jessie Elva is a Tae Kwon Do practitioner, Mom and Tik Tok creator.
“I mean, I was never afraid of this stuff until I had kids and sort of realized I had something to lose, and then I started to really shift my mindset from stay tough, be a good fighter, be whatever, to let’s not get involved.”
Jessie Elva- Episode 842
Jeremy sits down with Jessie Elva and discusses her training, Tik Tok, what it was like to work through her second dan test, emotional setbacks, PTSD, and her work with nunchaku.Show Notes
Connect with Jessie at:
Facebook: Jessie Elva
Tik Tok: Jessie Elva
Instagram: Jessie Elva
YouTube: Zukuari-Eye Martial Artist
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Show Transcript
Jeremy (00:00.694)
Jussie, welcome to the show.
Jessie (00:02.42)
Hi, thank you, Jeremy.
Jeremy (00:03.874)
Thanks for being here. I wanna let the audience know we met, I think you're maybe our second or third person that I met on TikTok that's come on the show.
and we met in a different way than I've met some of the others. And that might come out later and that's okay. Actually, I just made that sound really, really terrible, didn't I? We met because there are a lot of people online who are jerks. We'll just leave it there. Is that fair to say? Yeah. I am, as the audience knows, I'm a bit anti-troll and will...
Jessie (00:26.762)
No.
Jessie (00:35.819)
That's fair. The kind of like trolling. Yeah.
Jeremy (00:45.302)
Well, I consider trolling to be a bit of a bullying thing, which I find ironic that comes out of our space, but I will always stick up for people and step out when necessary there. But you know, that got us, we talked a bit and I thought, you know what? Your story's interesting, at least the bits that I know. So let's get you on and let's see. Now, we're gonna work a little bit in.
Jessie (00:49.469)
it's
Jessie (01:08.863)
Okay.
Jeremy (01:12.362)
not quite in reverse, we're gonna bounce around a little bit. I don't wanna start at the beginning. We often start at the beginning, but we're not gonna start at the beginning. I wanna start, you recently went through a testing, and you were really nervous.
Jessie (01:21.593)
Yes.
Jessie (01:25.287)
I was very nervous. Okay, so I, this was my second down testing and I had originally registered for it in 2021. And I ended up having some medical issues with the pregnancy and I had a miscarriage. And so it's fine. And I've worked through that. But I
Jeremy (01:27.054)
Talk about that.
Jessie (01:52.227)
Took some time to heal and I re-signed up for my test and I think it was the, that was the spring of 2021 and fall of 2021. And I ended up getting COVID. And so it was the weekend and the same week of my test that I got COVID and there was no way that obviously I was gonna be able to test and so it got postponed again. So the plan was,
you know, you get better and spring came and I was not in a place where I was able to register for the spring test. So then I registered for the fall test in 2022. And I got influenza A, I got sick with the flu.
Jeremy (02:38.382)
Are you at that point or you start to feel like the universe just wants to keep you as a first odd forever? Man Yeah
Jessie (02:44.591)
I felt stuck and I felt stuck in life. I had gone through a couple of, I've escaped some domestic violence during, between that time. And so my second dawn test really kind of represented to me my ability to move forward in life and move past and kind of heal from some of those things. Because when I was going through that, it made it really, really difficult for me to show up to class and be a consistent person. And I know that...
leading up to the, you know, when I was able to get out of that and I was scheduled to test in the fall, I was coming to class regularly. I felt like I was, you know, getting myself back. And during that time too, I had also, I had thought about quitting because of how inconsistent that I was. I knew that if I had quit, that I would lose myself completely because of how much I love martial arts and how much it kind of just keeps me going.
So when I was scheduled for my test in the fall, super excited, super nervous, got sick. I remember calling one of the masters of my school and telling her, and I barely hear me, like I sounded really terrible. And I told her and she's like, okay, well, we'll schedule you obviously for the springtime. And it was only six months away. And that.
came really, really fast, but one of the things that, my 12 year old son, he, it was, I think it was, it was a fall test, but it was right after Thanksgiving. We were putting up the Christmas tree and eating ice cream and I'm just bawling, I'm just crying, you know? And he looks at me and he's like, "'Mom, it's gonna be okay.'" And he was so sweet. And I was like, you know what? It is gonna be okay, because it's gonna give me more time to prepare even more. And then,
Um, we, you know,
Jessie (04:41.623)
kept working on it. And one of the things that I have from, some of the things that I've gone through is I have PTSD. And so that factoring into testing, I have problems with my memory. And so I can learn something.
and then I can completely forget it the next day. So sometimes if I don't practice it every day, and it's like the techniques there, the muscle memory is there, and I know that when I would have to memorize like a kicking combination, like a punching combination, I would struggle with remembering it, and I'd have to relearn it and relearn it and relearn it.
My 12 year old son was very helpful in helping me do that. He was really sweet. And I also had some good friends from the school that they would meet with me on Sundays when there was no classes open. We would go through all this stuff and they would help me prepare. So that was, I think that's just kind of sometimes part of the journey. Like you don't always, I know when I tested for my first degree, it happened really fast.
There was no hiccups, there was no roadblocks, there was no problems. I was.
trained, tested, and then all of a sudden it was, I felt like a white belt again. And the goal was to keep testing for the next down. So the two years was what the rule was. And so it actually ended up being five years between my first down and second down. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.
Jessie (06:11.231)
And so it was kind of like, again, like the beginning of a learning and it kind of, so my second Don represented to me like healing and it's all part of a journey, but it was more than just martial arts to me. It was learning to.
except you know the speed how fast things go in life but to keep moving forward because sometimes i think you can go like really fast through something and then sometimes i think like i think back to when i thought about quitting um and i was i couldn't run i couldn't walk i couldn't even crawl it was like i was scooting or rolling really slowly really slowly but i didn't want to give that up and so um the journey was slow but it was still a journey
And I don't think, I think sometimes, I don't know, I got caught in the trap of worrying that it meant that I was stuck. But I just think that it meant that I'm still learning, I'm still growing, and I'm going to run again. I don't know if that makes sense. But yeah, that's kinda how that test went. Testing day came. I was really nervous. It's one of those things too where there's a different energy on the mat. And I knew that...
Jeremy (07:14.39)
test.
Jessie (07:27.755)
one of the things is, you know, it's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to really, really push you to your limits. It's supposed to make you pull out all of your strength in order to achieve this, you know, any, any dawn really. And it's, it was painful. There was a couple of times where I'm like, okay, what am I doing? Like I am almost 40 years old. This hurts. It doesn't really, like it, it really, like.
the thoughts that go through your head, right? When you're doing butterfly kick after butterfly kick and burpees and you feel like you're gonna pass out and like everything just hurts. And I looked up and I saw my 16 year old son sitting there and he was helping me count through each rep that I was doing. And what? So yes, they did. And they have.
Jeremy (08:11.718)
Your kids also train, right? Your kids also train.
Jessie (08:19.915)
Like my 12 year old, he does basketball now instead. I actually originally started because they were doing it and it was something for me to do with them when they were really little. And my son sometimes will come to sparring still. But they're not, they don't go regularly. Yeah, so they are the ones that got me into it though. And I thought to myself, like, what am I doing? Like, why am I putting myself through this pain? Like, why is it such a big deal to me? And I like looked up.
and he's sitting there just watching me. And he's 16, I gave him the option to either, you know, come watch me test. I'm like, but you don't have to, I understand, it's mom, like it could be boring for you, you don't have to spend two days, it was a two day test, like sitting there and watching me kick things. And he decided on his own that he wanted to be there. So he was counting and I'm like, that's why, that's why I'm doing this, because by me doing this, it's going to show my kids that no matter how difficult it gets,
no matter how many things get in the way, no matter how many roadblocks that happen, no matter how long it takes, hold on to your goals and keep trying, like keep going for it. And so that really gave me a lot of motivation of, okay, it helped remind me why I'm doing this and why it's important even though it's a hobby, it's a sport for me. Like I don't, it's not a job, it's just something that I love to do. And I think that...
showing them that it doesn't matter who thinks it's important or why somebody, why it might be important if it's important to them, right? Then go for it no matter how long it takes. And that kind of gave me the strength to keep going. Um, part of the test was running up, uh, Provo Canyon. It's only, it was only like a, a five K. So it was mile and a half up, mile and half down, wind in your face, running uphill.
And he decided that he was gonna run with me. And I think that he's the only reason why I survived that run, honestly, with the wind in the face. He's like, come on, mom, come on, mom, you can keep going, you can keep going, and like, don't stop, don't stop. So yeah, that's, I wanna like give a lot of credit to my kids because I don't think I would be able to have done it without them, but it was for them to show them that
Jessie (10:43.967)
If it's important, do it, right?
Jeremy (10:50.05)
How, the way you're talking about your training now, even though you're using words like sport and a hobby, you can tell it's really important to you. Even though you started with your kids and your kids have pulled back, it's remained important to you. Maybe it even sounds like more important to you than it was when you started. Can you talk about that contrast? How does martial arts fit into your life now versus
Jessie (11:06.231)
Yeah.
Jeremy (11:19.378)
eight or so years ago when you started.
Jessie (11:23.471)
So one of the things is I, martial arts has kind of kept me alive. So I mentioned that I do have PTSD. Um, there's some symptoms of that such as like disassociation. Um, so one of the things that martial arts training on the mats, when you're training, like your mind with your body and it helps keep your mind and your body connected and focusing on something else, um, and to get, you know, the two to work together.
It's a huge stress relief. Like when you're kicking the bag or you're kicking the paddles, it really just relieves that stress and that calms like that fight response. Sometimes it can get really so stressed out, but it also kept me from isolating. So knowing that I had class to go to and knowing that I had people waiting on me and knowing that like I've, I coached kids at nationals last year, knowing that I've got.
these kids with these smiling faces that are waiting for me to show up and coach them and teach them and motivate them, right? And so that really kind of kept me from isolating myself because I like had to show up. It's one of those things that it really okay, I'm trying to think of the right word to explain it. So it's like a passion, but also it makes me feel alive. So if you go to class,
And even if you can like help that one person or coach that one person and all of a sudden they're like, oh, I got it, I get it, I can do it now. That just is like worth all of it. I had an experience, so I used to compete in sparring a lot. And it was at Nationals in 2018. And I was in the middle of my match and I had timed like a head kick really, really well.
and all of a sudden I heard the coach say, yeah, do it again, right? And just like was excited, that was simple. It was simple, just yeah, do it again. It wasn't like, oh, do this and do that and do that. It was like, yeah, do it again. And I heard that and all of a sudden I felt like just motivated, like, oh yeah, I'm doing something right. So it's kind of like.
Jessie (13:39.307)
showing up and also helping the kids understand that, yeah, you're doing it right, keep doing it. That was great, let me see it again. Your form was beautiful. Things like that, that all of a sudden you see them light up and then they get that confidence. So that's part of why I love it so much, is it not only helps me, but by me being able to help other people too through it. If that, yeah.
Jeremy (14:07.859)
Now I'm going to...
Ask a question, I want you to feel free. Don't wanna answer if you wanna, we can just skip over to something else, but you did kind of put this on the table. You mentioned a violent situation. And I'm listening not only to what you're saying, but the way you're saying certain things, you're kind of, there's some things you're saying between your words, which suggests that, I'm gonna guess there's a connection between
Jessie (14:16.067)
Okay. Yeah.
Jessie (14:23.769)
Yes.
Jeremy (14:39.522)
that situation ending and your time training, your martial arts training. Am I reading that right?
Jessie (14:51.072)
Um, maybe explain your question further. I, so I could elaborate on the situations too. Yeah. So I was originally diagnosed with a PTSD. Um, Oh my goodness, like 12 years ago from a situation that happened 16 years ago. Um, I was, I was shot. Um, but my now ex husband, but, um,
Jeremy (14:53.038)
Sure. Yeah, yeah, if you don't mind.
Jessie (15:16.535)
I don't want to elaborate on the details of that, but that the gun violence, right? So that's what originally caused the PTSD. And I've been practicing for eight years in martial arts. But right before COVID hit, like the whole pandemic and everything, I found myself in another relationship that was.
very aggressive and very threatening.
Jessie (15:57.547)
It was really at the time.
I just started losing myself trying to keep the peace, trying to keep everybody calm, trying to make sure everybody was okay, trying to make sure nothing bad happened, right? And when I finally, I don't know, that's where I had almost quit and I had almost lost myself completely, I think. There was gun violence involved in that one as well, although I was, nothing was ever fired, if that makes sense with that one. But so it kind of re-triggered a lot of...
I guess, injury inside my brain, because PTSD really is a brain injury. Um, and that's where I think I realized the importance of the martial arts training and how it actually really does help me stay healthy and stay better. Um, before it was just like, oh, that's fun and let's go compete and let's go get medals and let's, but then after that second, you know,
Like relationship that was no good. Um like it just really became part of Inessential to living for me
Jeremy (17:14.487)
I want to thank you for going there. You know, we don't need to spend a lot of time there, but I wanted to go there for a couple reasons. One, I think there's a contextual element there for the rest of your story that I think is important for other people to hear. And then secondly, we've talked about this on the show a few times that...
if you operate purely under the statistics.
At any given time in any martial arts class, there will be multiple people. And in a large school, could be half a dozen or ten people who have experienced some kind of traumatic violent event.
Jeremy (18:02.398)
I am not used to instructors recognizing that fact. And so quite often you get someone who starts and if this is an avenue you wanna go down, we can, we don't have to, but I'm just gonna say it for, cause I want everyone's wheels to turn, that no, on day one, you don't generally wanna pull aside a new student and say, so, you know, you got any traumatic violence in your past? Have you been assaulted or there are things?
Jessie (18:14.167)
Okay, let's go ahead.
Jessie (18:19.undefined)
Yeah.
Jeremy (18:31.211)
That's a lot to ask of someone on day one.
but to not necessarily throw people into the deep end as we often do. And this is a place where sometimes men and women differ. Oftentimes guys are like, yeah, I'll try. I'll jump in the deep end. You want me to jump in the NBA and play ball against the best in the world or go for a 20 mile hike tomorrow? Sure, right? Whereas quite often...
Especially if we're talking about this dynamic, it can be a little more reserved, and so having some sensitivity to that, I think is important. I think it's critical. So if you wanna take that and run with it, you can otherwise.
Jessie (19:16.471)
Yeah, so I actually have, there's a really good at my school instructor who was really good at picking up on the cues without me having to really say anything, right? So if I would like space out and like kind of just like stare out the window, it was kind of like he understood what was happening and he was able to kind of...
bring me back without making it obvious to the whole class and without making me feel like I...
Jessie (19:52.315)
shame, you know, without making me feel embarrassed, without making it so obvious. There was times where I didn't really understand how to do a drill, and the words weren't making sense to me. And so he was really good at explaining it and showing me in a different way and modifying it and really breaking it down so that I could take it like piece by piece so that I could understand it and practice it too. And that's kind of, I learned a lot from that. And I think that I can go with
You know, I know that when I'm instructing students and we wanna practice something like the self-defense, the take downs, the oh, like what happens if somebody grabs your shoulder? I think it's a good idea to always ask, can I grab your shoulder? Can I show you? You know, or if you want the two students to work together, okay, choose somebody that you feel comfortable with. And I think that would just go for everybody overall so that the one person doesn't feel like called out on, right?
So that's, I think you can pick up, if you're really paying attention to your students, you can pick up on those cues without having to.
them direct questions like have you ever or and then sometimes they'll open up and they'll kind of tell you what's been going on but I think it's like building that trust with them first.
Jeremy (21:11.39)
I assume at some point one of your instructors either asked the question or you said, you know, it's probably going to be helpful to them to know some details here.
Jessie (21:22.062)
Yes, I let them know what was going on with me when all that happened.
Jeremy (21:28.55)
And that's beneficial to everyone, right? Once you feel comfortable, once, and I imagine that comfort came because you saw that they were recognizing that there was something there and it showed you that they cared, right? You gotta build that rapport. And this isn't just about necessarily this subject. This can be about anything. If you're, anybody who's taught or...
Jessie (21:43.031)
Yes.
Jeremy (21:55.514)
been a student knows that if that relationship is there, it works better for everyone. And building that relationship is absolutely worth it.
Jessie (22:01.943)
Yep. And I think that goes with, I think that goes with a lot. I've noticed like martial arts helping kids who have autism. I think it's great for kids with autism, kids with ADHD and being able to understand that maybe their brains think a little bit different, they work a little bit different and being able to modify it and break it down and like see that confidence rise in them. I really think martial arts can be healing for even more than just, you know, recovering from traumatic experiences. I think that just in the sense of it helping
bring your mind and your body and exercising both and developing both to work together, I think that is helpful for a lot of other things as well.
Jeremy (22:43.502)
I would agree. Okay. So you talked about sort of the early days and competition and medals and doing this for your kids. And I get the sense that your motivation is almost taken a 180. It just sounds like it's so completely different. So the question is, do those reasons that motivated you at the beginning?
Do they no longer matter or have you found things that matter?
Jessie (23:16.139)
I think I've found things that matter more. I still would someday like to get back into competing, but I've found that I actually enjoy coaching kids to compete more than competing myself. I might get like, I don't know, that inner feeling inside was just a lot more intense when I would, you know, even like if I was coaching a kid and they lost their match, but seeing that progress, right? Like...
I was coaching one young man and he was like seven. And during practice and training, he would always back up. He would like stop kicking and he would back up. So the one thing that we were working on was like, don't back up, don't back up, just keep going. And he did not back up one time during his match. I think he lost by only a couple of points, but it was so amazing. And the whole school was just cheering for him. And just to see that progress, that was worth any...
you know, gold, silver or bronze medal that I'd ever earned myself. And it was just like, and I think competing is still important to me at some point. But like what you said is correct, like finding things that are more important on top of that is really.
Jeremy (24:37.678)
How has...
You started with your kids, you started because of your kids.
Jessie (24:44.975)
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy (24:47.07)
And I'm sure you have families that you can look to, you know, this family didn't do martial arts together. So you could probably imagine, you know, maybe in some alternate reality, this is where my family might be if we hadn't done this training together. Have you ever thought about that and what?
what that decision did for you and your voice.
Jessie (25:16.503)
I haven't really ever thought what it would be like if we never trained together.
Jeremy (25:17.91)
Hmm. Yeah.
Jessie (25:23.503)
Um, I've never really thought about that, but thinking about it now, like I know that even though my boys don't practice martial arts regularly anymore, because of the time that we spent together doing that. I mean, that was, I think that's the whole reason why, like my teenage son, he showed up for me on test, like both testing days. He ran that run with wind in our face up that canyon with me and he didn't have to do that. Like that was.
his choice because it was, I think that it brought us closer together, even if we're not still going to class every week together. There's still that, you know, just as if you're all on the same soccer team and it's, you know, encouraging your teammates, it kind of just, it's like glue, I guess, kind of glue us together a little bit. I know that when
I decided to start doing martial arts. It was, so my older boy, he was seven or eight and I would sit there and I would watch him do class. And then I would see, oh, there was family classes. And I'm like, well, I might as well try it instead of just sitting here. And so I signed me and my younger one up for it. And that's just, it was something to do together. And I think having that togetherness is important. And I really think that that's helped us be closer as a family.
Jeremy (26:48.81)
I love the dynamics of a family class. You know, I see more and more schools doing it. It's something that I encourage when I talk with schools. If, you know, if I'm working with a school as a client, I think there's so much value there. Is it necessarily the best learning environment for martial arts skill and technique? No, no. But it's not the only thing that matters.
Jessie (27:13.099)
Yep, I think there's the different dynamics of it. That's why I think, you know, family classes, but then there should also be the classes for the adults and the classes for the kids that are more geared towards helping them learn that there are different development stages.
Jeremy (27:31.302)
I see the comma over your shoulder and I think just about every video I've seen of you, you're swinging nunchaku. Nunchucks at some point, right? So is it, is weapon something that you're really into or just, you know, you, okay.
Jessie (27:39.371)
Yes.
Jessie (27:48.627)
Yes. Good observation. My TikTok is all about my own chocolate, right? So I used to compete in sparring a lot and I ended up having a concussion and a brain injury that has stopped me from being able to do head kicks because getting another concussion on top of that is not, would not be good. So my competing in sparring is...
Jeremy (28:11.959)
Not worth it.
Jessie (28:17.879)
done, but I would like to someday compete in weapons. I, for my second degree test, so this is another tie-in to my test, one of the requirements was, is to come up with a creative weapons form. And I could choose between both staff, commas, nunchuck, and the screamer sticks. And I chose nunchucks, just because I had a little bit more experience with them.
Jeremy (28:44.874)
Most people would argue that it's the hardest choice of the four.
Jessie (28:49.115)
Well, to me, it was the easier choice because I didn't know how to make anything else swing around. But I did. I was trying to figure out I was struggling with them. And I was trying to figure out how to, and I still have a lot to learn, but how to make them flow. And I was trying to do something new and I was swinging it above my head and I had a...
aluminum pair and that's the ones I was using. And it came back and it hit me really, really hard, like just clunk and it was just the sound, like echoed, right? And my instructor, she was having, she's like, let's just, she's like, let's go sit down for a minute. I'm like, no, I'm fine. Like I just, it didn't shake the inside of my brain. Like my head didn't shake around. It just clunk right there on my forehead. And I did have a nice size goose egg.
And the funny thing about it is it motivated me even more. I'm like, okay, these nunchucks are not gonna get the best of me, I'm gonna figure this out. And so I started figuring some things out. And I think that's one of the great things about social media when, like I've been able to network with a lot of different martial artists. And I've been able to learn from their help on how to improve on the nunchuck.
especially and so I learned some things from some friends and I started to really get the hang of it a little bit. My friends from my school on those Sunday mornings would also help me figure out how to put it together into like a creative form and so I just really fell in love with the nunchaku and so recently I would I mean a goal of mine would be to compete with the with the nunchaku.
And I recently become a member of the World Nunchaku Association, which isn't super popular yet here. I'm like the only member in Utah. And so it's really popular over in Europe and stuff like that. But the goal would be to move through their ranks. And once I'm able to become a Black Belt with their association, then I can hopefully represent the USA with that association. So that's.
Jessie (31:12.995)
some goals of mine, but it's, I kind of took it from, you know, what I personally love about the martial arts and the sparring was, you know, it was my thing for a while, but now it's moved on to something to where I can just kind of increase and expand my knowledge and hopefully network with a lot of other martial artists and help grow in that community.
Jeremy (31:37.19)
Yeah, I gotta acknowledge it, because I'm sure I'm not the only one that draws this connection. I'm gonna stop sparring because of a concussion, but I'm gonna choose nunchaku as my weapon. Because actually, the last episode I was recording, we were literally talking about concussions and knocking yourself unconscious. It is such a common thing, right? I mean, inevitably it's gonna happen. You're...
gonna hit yourself in the head if you're swinging those things around.
Jessie (32:07.367)
Yep. So I will not swing around solid. So my aluminum ones, they're hollow. I won't swing around solid hardwood or steel. The demo ones that I swing around, they're really, really light wood. I don't think I could knock myself out if I tried with those. And I believe the association that I joined, those ones are special foam.
safety chucks that you are required to use when you compete and when you test. And so in that sense with the kind of concussion that I had it was one of those you know kicks that came and swung around and just hit me square. It was like perfect timing for them right but bad timing for me and it just really kind of shook my head and that's where those concussions come from.
The difference for me with the type of nunchucks that I use is it can come back and swing me in the head and yeah, you're going to get bruises on your arms, your hands, your head, but it's not, I'm not using ones that are heavy enough to cause something like that to happen. So it's something where I can still enjoy it and I can enjoy it safely. And I have hung up my aluminum ones that are hollow. They're light, but it did leave a nice size goosing. Yeah.
Jeremy (33:32.59)
I believe it. I believe it. We've talked a little bit about how your life has come into martial arts and your martial arts has come back out into your life. But as someone who's eight years, nine years, you've been training?
Jessie (33:49.587)
Yeah, eight and a half, eight, between eight and nine. Yeah.
Jeremy (33:51.422)
Okay? Okay.
Jeremy (33:57.63)
I'm always interested when we get someone on who starts as an adult, right? Because most of our guests started as kids. And when you start as a kid, you don't have a lot of contrast in life. You can't say, oh, you know, my life without martial arts. I mean, I started when I was. Really, I have no idea what life looked like before martial arts for me, but you do.
Jessie (34:20.29)
Yeah.
Jeremy (34:20.83)
What, how is life different for you as a martial artist?
Jessie (34:28.398)
I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.
Jessie (34:33.935)
So I think it's...
Jessie (34:38.511)
I'm trying to, doesn't really, like I don't even really remember life before martial arts. So it's, I know that my kids were really little and I just remember working and taking care of my kids and just being a mom, right? One of the things that martial arts has given me is a little bit of myself, which is why I kind of talked about how when I thought about quitting, I knew that if I did quit, I would lose myself completely.
And I think it's good to, you know, to be, you know, you're somebody's mom, you're somebody's sister, you're somebody's wife, you're somebody's, you know, friend, but you should also, like, it's given me I myself too. So it's part of me. So it was kind of finding myself through that. I know that when I was really, really little, I used to play softball and I, my dad used to coach me and he, I played shortstop and he...
He used to tell me, you know, don't let that ball get past you. He's like, be a wall, be a wall. And so he said, I don't really remember much of this, but he tells me, he's like, I would die for that ball and I would never let that ball get past me. I would just be a wall. And so in martial arts, I think sometimes when you're doing that drill or you're competing or you're testing, it's like, I still, in my head, I can hear my dad say, be a wall. Like, don't let it get the best of you. Don't let it get past you. Don't let it like...
you know, beat you. Don't let that ball get passed. Don't let that, don't let that, that drill, you know, get the best of you. Don't let those nunchucks get the best of you. I still hear that. And so it was kind of finding myself again, from, you know, being that kid and being, you know.
Jeremy (36:15.47)
Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh
Jessie (36:27.103)
into sports, and then now I'm a mom, you know, and so you just kind of, it's kind of like finding yourself again is what it was for me.
Jeremy (36:37.23)
finding yourself again. I like that. You know, we talk often about martial arts as a personal development, personal growth process or engine, if you will. And I think that's why I find what I do is so fascinating because you put the same, you put different people through the same sort of process and what comes out is so different because it's, you know, you're
revealing, I guess, who you are in there and putting these pieces together. And I just, it blows me away how, you know, you're gonna be episode 800 and whatever. You know, we've done this hundreds of times and it's roughly the same thing that we all do. You know, we all punch and kick or swing this or grapple that. And yet who we are and who we become is so dramatically different, so individualized.
this process and I continue to find that fascinating and you know I've said I'll keep doing this until it's not fun anymore until it's not interesting and I don't I don't think it's ever gonna stop being interesting because it's so dramatically different watching.
Jessie (37:51.447)
there's, oh, sorry, there's so many different aspects of it. That's kind of why it's, that's, I think that's where the art comes in, right? Because I think in martial arts, you can take any personality, any background, and you're going to get something different out of it, they're going to learn something different out of it, they're going to grow as a person differently out of it. They need something differently out of it. And I think that's kind of where that art comes in. Because there's so many different
Jeremy (37:55.163)
Peace.
Jessie (38:18.371)
kinds of martial arts. There's, you know, different styles. There's different, you know, like I know even with the nunchucks, there's performance art swinging it around, throwing it up in the air. Like nunchucks were, from my understanding, they were a weapon used that used to be a farmer's tool. And it was to be disguised so that they wouldn't know it was a weapon, right? And so it was used to defend and...
the way that I swing them around, it's not really practical. If I were to be in combat with somebody or to try and defend myself from somebody, you'd wanna do more strikes with it, right? So I think there's different styles and different things, but I think that's where the art comes in. And I think that's where the respect also comes in is the respect of knowing that. And so sometimes like it's really exciting for me to meet other martial artists who understand that aspect to where it's not just, there's not a better
style. There's not a better way to do it. It's all in an art of that person and how they represent it and what it means to them. I don't think there's a better, I don't know, that's where I think it becomes interesting and it can never like for me as well become boring.
Jeremy (39:36.21)
I'm with you. I'm with you, right? There are just so many different ways that you can slice it. And it sounds like you.
Jessie (39:37.091)
Yeah.
Jeremy (39:47.972)
I'm not going to say luck or lucky. I'm going to say you're fortunate that you found a school that your first school clicked for you.
Jessie (39:56.836)
It's my third school. Yeah. I don't know, it just never came up really.
Jeremy (39:58.17)
Oh, okay. How did we not talk about that? Okay. Okay, well that sounds rather significant. Can we go there?
Jessie (40:05.739)
Yeah, so the first school that I started at, it was a pretty large school. It was one, it was right around the corner from where I lived when my kids were really little. And it was, I think like a year and a half into that school, one of our favorite instructors, he tested for his master fourth degree and he started his own school.
And because he was the instructor that we had learned the most from that motivated my boys the most, we decided to leave that school and go and be part of his new school. And I was with that school through my first degree. And then it was really focused on sparring.
And so when I was not able to spar anymore, I started looking into what else I could learn with martial arts. And I found a school that had more of like the Pumse experience and like the weapons and things like that, that I could expand my knowledge in, where I just kind of felt stuck at the time where I was at. It was a really hard decision because I had been there for so many years and I had a lot of close friends.
that I would see multiple times a week that I knew that just it was going to be different. And so it was a hard decision, but I'm at the time, I'm glad that I made that choice because I felt like it really helped me grow and network and trying to expand in what I'm able to do. So I am currently on my third school, just circumstances.
Jeremy (41:46.314)
It sounds like the same organization, association? Okay.
Jessie (41:49.867)
Yes, so the Olympic style, Kukiwan, USA Taekwondo style is, yeah.
Jeremy (42:05.582)
I'm trying to put myself in your place, knowing that this particular school being sparring focused doesn't work for your needs anymore, but the social connections and the, you know, thinking so highly of those people and needing to make that conscious decision to leave. That must've been horrible.
Jessie (42:26.475)
It was hard. It was hard. Yeah.
Jeremy (42:27.458)
Yeah.
Jeremy (42:31.014)
Well, so given that there's an audience here, I mean we're not talking to them, but they're going to hear you, they're going to see you. I bet there are at least a handful of people who for what, if not many handfuls, who are contemplating the same decision but maybe for different reasons. They're thinking.
Jessie (42:31.184)
Um,
Jeremy (42:57.142)
this isn't the spot for me anymore. Maybe this isn't the spot for me anymore. I'm not getting what I need. I'm not getting what I want. Do you have any advice for them?
Jessie (43:06.531)
Yeah, so go for what I would say go for what you need go for what you want I don't think that we do like I know that my kids are a huge motivation, but like when we are Doing martial arts. We're doing it for us for ourselves, right and it's We're not doing it for our friends. We're not doing it for the
people at the school. And so if you feel like it's really kind of, you're not growing and you need to change or you need to expand, I would definitely say to, you know, take that chance, take that risk and make that move because when you do it with the right, the right kind of motivation or the right reasons behind, you know, just wanting to expand and I still think you can keep those friendships. I know that I have seen my previous school at,
tournaments and being able to, hey, how's it going? You know, chat, have lunch later. And so, you know, keep that community within. But don't forget that it'll also help you expand if you move forward for what's best for you, would be my advice, I guess.
Jeremy (44:15.562)
And I would say, and I might get some pushback from some people on this, but if the school that you're at, if you've been there a little while and it does not meet your needs, and there is another school that may meet your needs better and you wanna go to that school, and you get a hard time from the school that you're at, I think that's proof that's not the right school.
Jessie (44:42.507)
I agree. I agree. When I when I left the school I was at, I went in and I had a conversation with the master personally and I just told him why, you know, and I left on good terms. I think it still hurt. It still hurt me and I said it hurt my friends a little bit. They didn't, I don't think everybody understood why I made the change, but it was without any hard feelings and I saw that would also be I think
having that conversation in person, I think was important when making that change as well.
Jeremy (45:19.166)
At the end of the day, as an instructor, your job is to help your students grow. And if your students need to grow in a way that takes them away from you, but it's the right choice for them, then you've got to swallow your pride. You've got to, you know, whether it's a prideful element, you know, oh, this person needs something I can't provide. And that kind of stinks. Or maybe it's a financial thing. Oh, this person's going to, you know, take their tuition money and go elsewhere. You know, that can also stink.
But I will say this, and you've probably seen this too, schools that make the priority supporting their students are healthier, happier, and more financially successful than the ones that try to, er, no, you can't leave. You know, we...
Jessie (46:09.419)
Yeah, they were really understanding of it too. They were really understanding of it. And I thought that was, you know, I am glad because we're all part of the same Taekwondo community here in Utah. And I, you know, might have the opportunity to work with them again or, you know, when I see them at tournaments and stuff like that. So it's, in a sense, I kind of left, but in a sense, we're still in the same.
community.
Jeremy (46:39.31)
So what's next for you? If we sync back up, let's say you come back on the show in five years, what would you hope we were talking about?
Jessie (46:48.683)
of the World Cup, Nanchaku.
Jessie (46:53.591)
That, yeah.
Jeremy (46:53.686)
You're all in. You're all in on swinging the ropey sticks.
Jessie (46:58.883)
I am. So I've signed myself up for official like classes and learning online and I'm hoping to be a yellow belt soon when I test for it. So that's yeah.
Jeremy (47:11.682)
Nice. Awesome. Does your current school know that you're doing this? Are they supportive of this?
Jessie (47:22.136)
I have not talked to them. They don't have specific non-chocolate classes. They've got a demo team that they do with the kids, right? And I know that one of the masters is really good and so I wanted to talk to her and see if she could help me along with it. They're not a school that's oh you can only learn from me.
us, right? Like, expand knowledge. Because the knowledge that I learn, I'm going to be bringing back and teaching there and helping the next, you know, student that's trying to come up with their creative form and they choose nunchucks, you know. It's, that's one of the things that they have at that school. They've brought in people who have backgrounds in karate and backgrounds in, um, like jujitsu and things like that. They're instructors. And so we kind of get to learn different aspects and ways to bring the martial arts together.
Jeremy (48:13.118)
If people want to follow you, I mean, we've talked about TikTok, but I know your other places too. You know, where do they go to watch you swing in your nunchaku?
Jessie (48:22.543)
So I have my Facebook under Jesse Elva. I also have Instagram. And then I have tried to start a YouTube. I'm not great at keeping that up, but that one is gonna be under the name Zukuarii, which is my ninja name.
Jeremy (48:46.286)
You have a ninja name? How do I get a ninja name? What a ninja name.
Jessie (48:48.655)
Um, you know, you just Google, you Google the letters for, it's kind of silly, but it kind of stuck with me. The Ninja alphabet and for each letter, there is a...
Jessie (49:04.503)
like a sound with letters, I guess. So Jess is Zukuhari in Ninja. And then I added the I at the end of the E-Y-E would be Zukuhari. And that's Messy. Yeah, so I, yeah. So it's kind of silly, but it just kind of stuck. I liked the way it sounded and yeah.
Jeremy (49:17.102)
I'm gonna look this up. I didn't even know. I didn't even know this was a thing. Right up.
Jeremy (49:24.726)
Yeah, that's fun.
Cool. And of course, you know, the audience will have this stuff in the show notes. You can click links. Maybe we'll even put in the ninja name finder.
Jessie (49:39.959)
Yeah, I'll have to send it to you.
Jeremy (49:41.75)
Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you. I appreciate you coming on. Thank you for your time. And you know, your turn to kind of wrap us up here. What are your, how do you want to leave it with the audience?
Jessie (49:46.029)
Yeah.
Jessie (49:57.359)
I don't know, I would just say just, even if, it just kinda goes back to if you can't run, walk, if you can't walk, crawl, if you can't crawl, a scooch, if you can't scooch, roll, even if it's just a little bit, keep trying. Whether it's martial arts or anything really, your goal is important and that's just kinda how I wanna leave it through my own experience. Just keep working towards it, even if it's slow.