Episode 369 - Handling Hate
On this episode, Jeremy talks about the challenges of becoming successful, handling hate.
Handling Hate - Episode 369
If no one's hating you, you're not doing it right. Becoming successful definitely has a lot of benefits but there will be people hating on you and you won't be able to stop that. On this episode, Jeremy talks about people who constantly try to bring you down and his personal experience on handling hate. If you have the same experience, listen to find out more!
Show Transcript
You can read the transcript below or download here.Jeremy Lesniak:Hey what's up everybody, welcome! This is whistlekick martial arts radio episode 369. My name is Jeremy Lesniak, I'm your host for the show and today were talking about handling hate. I'd like to invite you to go over to whistlekickmartialartsradio.com and check out everything we've got there, transcripts and photos and video and 368 other episodes. If you wanna check out our products those are at whistlekick.com and you can use the code podcast15 to save 15% or if it's more convenient for you, you can shop on Amazon, most of our stuff is on there but we can't give you that code Amazon takes a chunk, it’s a good chunk.Let's talk about this topic. Let's talk about hatred. Hatred and general hatred in martial arts. Now, the first thing I gotta be honest, this is take two because I tried doing it in video on my phone and the screen shut off and it cutoff video so I'm doing it again and I'm doing it audio only because I know how to do this, this is reliable. Sometimes just fall back on what's reliable. But this topic is difficult because it stemming from a specific incident with a specific person who hates me. Now I'm not going to name them I'm not going to give you specific details, some of you know me personally you have an idea maybe you know exactly what I am talking about but it doesn't matter. Because I'm using the specifics to talk about the general ways that I handle this. The way I look at this challenge, because let's face as whistlekick grows we have been facing more and more hate. And you know why? Because hate is really jealousy. If you look at the way people handle each other online, the way trolls do thing, people don't control nobodies. People go after those with large following. Those that they wish they could be. And the irony of this person who has spent three years attacking me publicly, privately, doing everything they can to ruin my reputation, going so far as to lie to other people about things that I have done, and things that others have done, is it they've accomplished quite a bit. They’re known in certain circles of the martial arts community and really, should be better known that they are but why aren't they? Because so much of what they do and how they do it is full of hate and anger that other people just don't want to be bothered with them. I'll give you a little bit of a timeline, just about three years ago. I had an exchange with this person, very brief conversation that they felt this disrespected. Now, in hindsight yes I was disrespectful but not intentionally. There were a number of mitigating factors this person in a sense came to me with something that was not a big deal at a time when I was struggling. I was in the middle conversation with others and responded with less than ideal candor or conduct is a better word and I admit that. Now I’ve attempted to have conversation with this person multiple times and the reply each time I reach out has been one of hatred and anger. And now this person is gone so far as to publicly attacked me on Facebook, wow. Okay.So how do I handle that? Now first have to be honest it stings, because even though this person is not in my life anymore, they were and I appreciated their help and their friendship and in a sense I miss them. I don't miss the challenges of their friendship but there is a point in time when I was probably their only advocate. This person was supportive and helpful in the early days of whistlekick and specifically this show and just because things turn sour doesn't mean I'm rewriting history I’ll never forget their contributions and I still appreciate them. And so how do you handle it when someone that you looked up to does a complete 180 in the way that they treat you. Well first, you acknowledge that it hurts. At least that's what I do. I accept you know what, this sucks I'm not happy about it. And then I spent some time understanding why? Why does it hurt? Well in this case, its someone that meant something to me someone who I would say should know better, someone who I wish had been above it all. Unfortunately I knew this would happen at some point with this person because this is what's happened with every single person that I’ve ever known who has known them. At some point you do something probably pretty small that upsets them and bam! You're done, you're out, you’re persona non grata. But then the other thing I do is I try to understand their perspective and that's not easy, that's not something that we do well as human beings, empathy. When it comes to this individual, they haven't had an easy life and it's easier to push people out then to open yourself up and be vulnerable when things don't go the way that you want. See, we're all the hero in our own story, our own narrative and anything that challenges that perception, can be really difficult to handle and it takes practice it takes confidence and unfortunately that something that I don't think this individual has much of is self-confidence, it's unfortunate but they seem hurt maybe even broken and I don't wish that on anyone. And as I start to understand the place that they come from, whether it's this person I’m talking about or anyone, I find it much easier to handle what they dish out because I don't wish anything bad on anyone, I try to have compassion significant compassion for the people around me, people in my life. And as I come to understand more of who people are and how they are and why they are, makes it easier to forgive them. Doesn't mean I forget, doesn't mean I change behavior, doesn't mean that I allow them any freedoms in the way that they treat me because I hold myself to a high standard and I hold the people around me to a high standard, including the ways that they treat me. But carrying hate in retaliation to others hatred of you, that's just silly, its wasteful. I've only got so much energy to spend in the day so I try to spend it on positive things things that build my life, things that build whistlekick and not things that bring me down to the negative level of others. Now of course this takes practice and unfortunately I’ve had a lot of practice. I've always been someone who has pushed boundaries and set high standards. And that means that quite often, people are unhappy with me. I don't do status quo, whistlekick in and of itself defies the status quo in some of the things that were doing and especially in the way that were doing quite a few of them. We've invited hate from some rather large organizations and some rather prominent people in the martial arts community. Good. Tells me were doing something right.I've a saying and if you've read the competition the event book that I wrote, you know it well, do things 15% differently each time. When you do something find a way to make a different, I think we even did an episode on that. And in doing that there will always be people say whoa whoa whoa hold up, that's not how we do this. Well guess what? This is how are doing at this time, and if it works better that's how were doing it from now on because you can't have progress without change and that is a difficult concept for many in the martial arts. So, as I’ve invited this hatred this displeasure that so many, I shouldn’t say that many it’s not like it's been that many, that some have had for me in the show and the things that were doing I use it as an opportunity to learn an opportunity to get better at understanding others that hearing their concerns at being compassionate and at being myself. Trying to let it roll off my back, I’ll be honest, the way this person conducted themselves hurts after all I'm doing an episode because of it. But I'm trying to take it and use it in a positive way, I try to take that negativity and use it as fuel. When I was younger, when people tell me I couldn't do something, well guess what, now I'm definitely going to do it. I'm gonna find a way, that's whistlekick. People told me this wouldn't work, the numbers of people who told me this wouldn't work, we've already grossly surpassed what they said would happen. We've already exceeded the expectations of so many, and I take pride in that. Most of the world would tell you don't let the negative sayings and actions of others bother you. Then I think that's far too simplistic. If something that someone says bothers you, understand where they're coming from, understanding why you feel that way, the next step, and then decide to take action. Sometimes you have to wait you have to delay that outcome, that choice. A motion doesn't make for the best decision, sometimes emotion has to fade so you can fully understand intellectually what's going on in taking appropriate action. Retaliation is usually fueled by emotion and is rarely the best course of action. As I heard it expressed on podcast just yesterday, think about what the outcome you want is and work backwards from there. Don't start from where you're at don't start from your emotions don't start from the hurt, start from the desired outcome and figure out how to get there and choose accordingly. So, two person out there who is hating me and to all the others who have and will hate me, thank you for the opportunity to get better as a person and I hope maybe someday you can find some peace because there are far more important things for you do with your time and energy than to hate me.I would love to hear what you think about this. Head on over to whistlekickmartialartsradio.com leave some comments this is episode 369. You can find us on social media we are @whistlekick on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram and you can email me directly jeremy@whistlekick.com. Don't forget code podcast15 at whistlekick.com. Until next time, train hard. Smile, and have a great day.